rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
