Pants 0. Shit 1.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
