Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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