Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
