I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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