if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
