so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
