And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
