my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
