i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
