your parents love me but you hate me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
