I swear she didn't look like that last week.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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