i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize