Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
