He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
