I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
