This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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