...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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