well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
