All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
