Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
