so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
