Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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