it was like eating out sand paper
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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