He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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