This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
