Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize