Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
