You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
