the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
