Welp...herpes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
