so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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