You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
