omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
