my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
