She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
