just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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