Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
