i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
