You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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