I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
