I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
