Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
