Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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