I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my being single is dangerous.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
