I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
