plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
