I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
