What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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