I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
