I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
