i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
