she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want to make a zoo with you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
