I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
