I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
