Cold hands, warm shart.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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