i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize