Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
two words...techno handjob
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
