You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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