I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Randomize
