Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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