I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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