woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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