Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
