I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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