i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
