We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
