I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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