lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
