Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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