Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize