If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
