I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize