i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This is the high leading the old right now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
