Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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