u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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