Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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