I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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