If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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