He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
no. you can't hotbox the world.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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