Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
