u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
