That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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