Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have post one night stand depression
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