his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
