She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
