are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
