I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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