Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
