Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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