All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
