If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
