my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
