i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
