I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
