I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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