I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
