What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Shame is for Republicans.
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