btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
