I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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