i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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