I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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