even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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