So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
