Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
