Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
