My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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