Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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