We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
